dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
