I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
