Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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