I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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