a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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