im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
