dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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