Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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