I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
