Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
