You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
MIDGETS
????
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
