A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
