oh god the rape fog is back!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
