We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
