i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
