you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
