Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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