So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
