I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
