i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
