i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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