well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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