I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
