Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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