where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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