john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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