It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
