guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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