Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
