i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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