I hate all girls vehemently.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
