Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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