Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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