there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
