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just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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