im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
