rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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