I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Less talking, more tequila
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
