dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
