Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
