So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
