he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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