I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
