dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
