He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
