Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
