Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
