i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
