glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
