I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
