Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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